90 Days of Me, Myself, and I

12496467_10153156179421504_946520759093670896_oThe ultimate project. Are you ready for it? Because I’m not. Dating myself for 90 days. It sounds weird, but bear with me. To be honest, I’ve always been comfortable dating myself. Ask my parents. I’ve been taking myself to dinner and a movie since I was in high school. Not because I didn’t have people to go with, but because I wanted space. I think there’s something important about being comfortable alone and in your own company, but I’m starting to realize that it’s more than my occasional solo dates. It’s SO unbelievably important to enjoy your own company and revel in the alone time that you’re sure to experience at some point in your life; whether it’s wanted or unwanted. Don’t get me wrong. This doesn’t mean that I won’t hang out with other people or make plans. It just means that I’m dedicating time to myself. Me time. Something that we all neglect until we’re burnt out and need a semi-permanent hiatus from the world that lasts three months, sounding familiar, huh? So, my guidelines: two hours a day spent outside of the house doing something. Anything, really. Movies, seminars, dance lessons, beginner language courses, and so forth. You get my drift.

So, if I’ve always been comfortable “self-dating” then I’m sure you’re wondering what’s prompting this solo date journey. Anxiety in my life is at an all time high and I seek approval of sorts as a temporary solution. Kind of like those shitty band-aids you get from the dollar store and then they rip off your hair when you have to pull them off. Yup, just like that. I’m starting to realize that everyone has issues of their own. Well, it turns out (much to no one’s surprise) that temporary solutions only make the very real and very long-term problem worse and I am so done living my life that way. I’ve always been an over-thinker, constantly over-analyzing my life, but it really got bad my senior year of college for a list of reasons that I just never dealt with. I almost get sad looking at my own life and seeing how I’ve let myself become a product of what I have let other people do to me. Their actions didn’t make me this way. It was my passive attitude towards how I let it affect me that has led me to where I am today and that’s so important to remember. No one can make you feel a certain way unless you let them and I have, which was a truth bomb all in itself.

But it’s okay because it has led me to right now. To this moment. It’s time to kick my high anxiety to the curb where all of those unwanted emotions can get lost – scratch that, where they can find their home 6 feet under because I have no intention of ever finding them again. This is bigger than anything I’ve done before. This has purpose and so much intention behind it. Taking myself to a movie is easy. Eating dinner by myself is peaches and cream. Going to a networking event alone in a city with millions of people? Now talk about anxiety written all over it. And that’s what this is all about. It’s about putting myself in situations that are outside of my comfort zone. Where I might get stares, but where I come to a point that I finally just don’t care. I want to be so comfortable alone that I won’t second guess who I am. I want to value myself. I want to grow. And most importantly, I want to love myself without the need for someone else’s affirmations. So, here goes nothing. Follow my journey here if you feel so inclined!

Sincerely,

Emi

The Kooks – She Moves In Her Own Way (because we should all move in our own way!)

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