But luckily it has 9 lives.
Do you ever find it curious that as kids we were proud of our scars? We were proud of getting down in the dirt and messy with our friends. It seems that as we get older we hate all of the things that left visible marks of our childhood. The little nicks that show we lived. I kind of feel like that’s how most of our adult lives go. We live backwards. Well, not really backwards because we live our childhood exactly how we should live the rest of our lives. Instead, we live our adult lives in waiting, fear, disappointment, heatbreak, high expectations, and emotional ups and downs regarding who knows what. It’s not all bad, but you can’t deny that we yo-yo a lot more than we would like to admit to the outside world.
Seriously though, why? What’s the point, because I don’t see it anymore. I remember sitting on the playground counting my scars and comparing them to the boys. “I have 6 scars on my left leg and 2 on my right. I got this really, really big one from rollerblading. Who knows how I got this one. And oh, this one time I accidentally touched a really hot iron and burnt my pinkie.” And so the list went on. It was evidence, as a ten year old, that I had already lived a full life of adventure – at ten years old I thought I had lived a full life, ha. Our scars, whether emotional or physical, are real and we can either be ashamed of them or proud of what they showcase. They are such an amazing representation of this life that we’ve lived, circumstances we’ve endured, situations we’ve survived, and obstacles we’ve overcome. Damn, think about that. The road to scar-dom may have been shitty, but you’re still here and moving forward through the weight that they hold.
I’m not saying it’s a trophy race. This life isn’t a competition and you don’t have to tell anyone how or why you have those scars if you don’t want to. But as YOU accept them, life starts to get a lot more full of life again. We stop being so scared to live out of a fear of more scars. Let me just tell you right now – it’s going to happen. The chances of getting hurt are real. The chances of tripping over the crack in the sidewalk are so real (I would know because it happened tonight – like I actually tripped and almost face planted). I know it’s easier said than done or accepted.
I sure as hell don’t have it perfected, but there are days and moments when I let it all go and realize that it’s so worth that peace. I may fall in a funk the next day, want to eat pizza, and binge Amazon Prime all day…but you know, balance (or something). There’s no apple pie recipe to how you can “pinterest perfect” your life. That ain’t real life, honey. But remember that you’re not in this alone. In fact, you have no idea what the person next to you is thinking. The star athlete, famous celebrity, and creative genius all have their own struggles. This whole world is full of people working on their own thing.
This month has been a major source of self-reflection for me. It’s made me realize that I don’t want to make you think I live this picture perfect life. I was pretty darn open about my life when I started my 90 Days project. But I just think there are so many people out there, myself included, that compare their lives with what’s seen on social media or through a glimpse of that passerby on the street. Perfection is not reality. And the reason I’m talking about it? Because we all feel alone sometimes. We all feel like no one else knows what we’re going through – and to an extent that’s true because no one can feel exactly what it is you feel. Some people feel like they can’t express themselves or share their fears and that’s downright scary. It’s scary because we shouldn’t have to be afraid that someone will look at us like we’re royal fuck ups or that we’re weird because we don’t function exactly like them. It’s insane that there’s some weird taboo about being vulnerable, about having anxiety, and about not being able to explain depression other than just that – depression. There, I said it.
By nature we’re vulnerable creatures. We can be hurt both physcially and emotionally and there is nothing wrong with that. Mark my words -NOTHING. So, I’m talking about it. I’m freaking airing the laundry and it ain’t dirty. It’s freshly washed and in need of some good line drying where the whole neighborhood can see it. Because that’s LIFE and we shouldn’t have to apologize for it. If someone ever makes you feel like you should be ashamed of your scars then drop them because they don’t care about you. Not even for one second confuse what, I’m sure, they’ll mask as “honesty” with anything other than a stuffy opinion that deserves to be stuffed straight back up where it came from and the sun don’t shine. Go out into this really big world and own your uncertainties. Don’t be ashamed of the road you choose to take or the road that’s gotten you where you are.
Own that shit and be damn proud.
Hello My Old Heart – The Oh Hellos