Sometimes there’s just no direction. I have no clue what’s coming next. I pretty much just write down my thoughts as they come to me and right now it’s 12:12am. I think I’m coming to terms with the fact that happy isn’t a place. There is no magical, perfect destination of happiness. Whoever tries to sell you that is lying. Don’t base your happiness on the photos we all put out there on social. HA. If only you saw the texts I sent my friends about feeling lonely and unsure, which is exactly why I’m writing about it! Because you need to know that no matter what you’re doing, there will be days that suck more than others and there will also be days that fill you up to the brim with happiness. You’ll jump around in Nike shorts around your living room under the skylight where basically everyone and their mother can see you (aka my life yesterday and today).
FOUR days ago I was miserable. I had no job (aside from my internship, which I loved, but didn’t pay). No place to live. I literally was debating whether or not I was moving back to Florida to take a job offer I got down there. Sunday I came home after a night out and a whole bunch of hurt *heart* feelings (le sigh), bought pizza and garlic knots with the full intention of bingeing Amazon prime. None of those things I regret, but that’s the stuff you don’t see in my “perfectly curated Instagram feed with just the perfect amount of highlights”. Listen, if what you’re after is followers and likes then go right on ahead and Google the shit out of how to figure out your “aesthetic”. If you want to be a photographer then get on YouTube RIGHT NOW and learn (I mean that, stop reading + look up some tutorials to add to your queue BUT don’t queue and not watch them!!!!). Want to be a blogger? I don’t know, just start. Seriously, the world is at our fingertips. I want to be a set decorator after literally bouncing around from one thing after another and I’m BASICALLY starting at the beginning. We’re in this together. I’m not this insta-famous person whose talking about their *struggles*. HA. No, no. I really am just that 24 year old who moved to New York City, is starting over alone, and sometimes drops chip crumbs down the front of her shirt while unashamedly completing the ENTIRE Stranger Things season in one sitting on a Saturday night. Uh, yeah, that happened.
So anyway, back to the beginning. Warning: cliché alert – happiness is what you make of it. Find your sweet spot. Today I was telling one of my best friends about how my “bad” days in the city are 110% better than my semi-ok days back home. I can literally be crying on the bus (and yes, this has happened) and think to myself, “Well damn. At least I have pretty scenery” and that is an almost instant game changer. A subtle reminder that life is freaking right in front of me and I’m crying because of things I can’t control!!! Dumb. So dumb, but we all do it. Listen. Wherever you are there are going to be beautiful, beautiful things that will make you happy. They’ll light your soul on fire, even if it just takes your mind off of the bad. Focus on those things. The things that you can actively search for and if there are things that make you unhappy that you do have control of removing then do it! Ain’t nobody got time for people, things, and moments that don’t add to your vibrancy.
</ End rant.