She looked at herself in the mirror and whispered, ‘you are enough.’ The difference now, compared to other times, was that she finally believed it.
I write a lot when no one is looking… or reading. If you saw my phone, then you would know that I have 347 saved notes. A lot of them pieces of my journey that I tuck away and others just a hodgepodge of lyrics I want to remember, bars I thought were cool, and names of people I’ve met randomly and want to stay in touch with. I started my blog as my own little online journal. It seemed easier than remembering a book to keep on hand. Then I made it public and I got scared.
I stopped writing because now there were people reading it. Not just reading it, but waiting for the next post. People who thought the things I said were funny or clever or downright stupid and suddenly there’s this pressure. To write something “worth” reading and isn’t it all worth reading? I mean it is my journey for a reason, to make of it what I please. But I wanted perfection. The perfect layout, the perfect sequence of words, the perfect topic. And in my search of perfection, so that I would avoid failure, I did exactly that – I failed. I failed because I didn’t start, because I stopped, and because I let the thought of what others might say hold me back. But there are two things to note here:
- Failure only has to be temporary. You can sit with it and dwell or shake hands and move along. So this is me shaking the hand of failure and moving the fuck along.
- People will always have an opinion. And the great thing about opinions? You can ignore them. So yes, that’s probably what I’ll be doing.
Over the next few weeks I’ll be posting little excerpts from my journal and my 347 notes. Cheers to different beginnings, a new year, and to who I’m becoming.
Luna Bay – Colours